I've lost it! I've lost the hope I've been harbouring for this entire year. Sure, the results aren't out yet and we all know miracles happen. It does but what are the odds? In fact, the stats have it that I don't stand a chance at all. And sure, there are many things my finger can effortlessly point at - the pressure, the time, the place, the people, the method I employed and the selections of the less obvious, but the truth is, I've never really believed in myself even until the last moment before I peed and stepped into the arena. All I've been doing is gobbling up all the necessary information and holding my hopes high that the right platform will fall on me for me to plate them all up. So much to prepare, so much to tinker about yet so little time I'm given is not an excuse but I can't help but to think they contribute a whole lot for the feigning hopes. Yes, I'm contradicting myself here. I want to believe so much that I'm not the cause for my failure and I want to believe so much that everything else played a part in that scheme.

I'm done for this year. Whilst I'm relieved it's over, I find myself baulking at the idea that I'm no longer an undergraduate, that there's no more papers for me to resurrect my hopes. I have lost my sanity, haven't I?