Perhaps it's because I've met failure, that it has never seemed to have left me alone.

Monstrous.

Okay, I'll admit - I've been trying too hard far too long. What I am today (being pretentious) is a result of that relentless commitment of filling in the role I was taught to aspire to be one day. I've always wanted to be the person with subtle elegance and charisma with some degree of authority thriving along with almost everything I touch and get involved in. But what that ambition has made of me, is something I chide myself for every single day. And for these days, I would stand before the mirror, looking for my reflection, and turn away. I couldn't bear looking at my ugly self. I have turned into a monster, obsessed over perfection and everything glamorous, and intimidated by the better, greater things other monsters possess. I have to stop being so uptight and possessive over myself. Spontaneity and impulse are qualities I look at in admiration but those I could only yearn for in a life removed from the eyes of the people I want to impress who also happen to be the bunch I cherish the most.

My Treasured Heartache

Remember this date - 14th January 2012 - The day where FT Island held a concert in Malaysia and I couldn't be there to witness that historical event. I know I know, the older, more wrinkled and more matured me who is reading this at a later time would read this entry and begin giggling at the sight of the word, 'FT Island', reminiscing how silly I was then. But remember, I am at this point, as I'm writing, am on the verge of ripping my heart out to bring its burning sensation to a halt. As a result of the failure to do so, I was made to endure withdrawal symptoms. Lack of concentration, anxiety, high-octane level of sensitivity, and the extreme somberness were only some of the many psychology rides I have been taking on today.

I am sorry, Superpeng, for forsaking a rare opportunity for you to indulge sinfully in fangirl-ing over a group of 5 cutie pies. I swear that I'll make myself work very hard, earn lots and lots of money that I'll pay people for chaperoning me to concerts.