My First.

A toast to a first for me today. A first for hesitating to look forward to tomorrow and the days bound to come. A first for the desire that this day and this minute will linger around longer, the hunger for the hands in my analog watch to simply stop winding, and the desperate wish that the sun will not sink into the eerie darkness haunting the tail-end of the day. This is the moment I want to savour, to appreciate and to bask in, for all the entrapment I've endured since I could remember.

The sombre melody emanating from the MP3 given by my brother as a birthday present, protruding into my ears, felt unusually uplifting today. As I looked outside through the gigantic window panel in the bus, I urged myself to allow my lips to sport a broad smile albeit the risk of being mistaken as a fool by the not knowledgeable folks passing by as I may just miss the only time I can do so, so naturally. As I took that second to elaborate my lips, breathe in, and chest out, my heart was released of any sort of disgruntlement, dissatisfaction and jealousy. Just sheer contentment that was all in there. And I knew in that instance that the risk was well paid off.

I don't want this day to end, nor this year to end, nor this term to end, nor this college-going days to end. How can I prevent them all from coming true? For the first time ever, I'm happy with where my feet land on, with the scenic view my eyes lay upon, with the grueling tasks my hands juggle with. If there is a trap I will fall for and be trapped in forever, it is this bubble of happiness I'd beg for. It may not give much, not enough for me to stand with my own might, not enough to reach the sparkling stars clattered in the mighty sky. It matters not to me, not now - as finally, there is something, a result of my own-doing, that makes me feel I am worth of a place on this planet Earth. And cheers to that.