SYLVEA!!!!!!!

I couldn't find Sylvea on facebook (not to mention, MSN). So, I was left with no choice but to pray and hope that she will see this - My attachment is starting from 2nd August till I don't know when but it'll only be for 2 weeks.

Dear, Sylvea.

It seems that this friend of mine, is thirsty for attention. Too bad that she's chosen the wrong stage to be at simply because this is not a popular stage - not frequently visited.

Anyway, an update on my current life - Whilst it is true that stress is seeping in slowly but surely into my head but my heart ain't pounding hard n my palms ain't sweaty at all. In fact, I'm more worried on how on earth can I get home after the paper without having to resort to a cab service. And even if I do, where should I fetch one?

I woke up at 6am this morning but was lazing around until 9.30am - very sleepy and was dozing off every time I flip the pages of my notes. Had this wistful thought that watching the tele for a brief moment and browsing through the internet could rejuvenate my spirit, executed them and still found myself falling asleep and had this really sweat dream (I kissed a guy!) that I wasn't mad at myself for dozing off at all.

And could you believe it? - I hadn't had a single serving of frap ever since Starbucks announced their promotion!!! I am determined to have it today jugak. And I really want that McDonald's coke glass. My bro went there trying to get a hold on one but they told him, "sudah habis stok". My heart was torn apart. AHHHH.... I know! It'd be nice of this attention-thirsty friend of mine to get me this as a birthday present. I want the charcoal one so badly but today is the last day to get the charcoal glass. Well, I think pink is not bad either.

Backwards.

It seems like everyone else is doing so well and I'm the only one left behind, struggling to keep up with my position.

Hi, Sylvea.

Writing

Writing - What it means to me? That's the question I asked myself when I somehow managed to flip over to the teen section in the paper this morning. One of them wrote that writing means a whole lot than meets the eyes to her. Wow! Amazed I was of her style of writing. At the mere age of 18, her suave writing was prominent throughout the whole article. Oh, and the other kids too. Yeah, they are kids to me, cause that's just how old I feel of late. I am certainly nowhere near their level and I'm 20, turning 21 2 months from now. Most of them it seems are avid readers and that, they attributed as the impetus for their matured level of English proficiency.

In stark contrast, I don't read a lot. That habit was just never been instilled into my upbringing. Book stores were and are still never a haven for me. Walking into the libraries, abundant with a variant colours of book covers never fails to intimidate me.

It is television which made up most of my childhood and teen-age. Television is my addiction and honestly, without it, life would be like McChicken without the mayonnaise, keropok lekor without the sweet chili sauce and of course a picture without its colours. It's the apparently insignificant detail but something which taints the supposedly perfection of life.

I love writing, I really do. I, in fact, have always wanted to make a living out of writing alone which explains my fantasy jobs like journalist, columnist, and author. But am I good enough to make them my rice bowls bearing in mind that even a 16-year-old can write better than me? Sigh... But beyond that question, I realise that my hunger for it cannot possibly match that of theirs.

So, what writing means to me? - Writing is an art. Constructing a sentence is an art. Selection of words to be fitted into a sentence is also an art. It's a way of drawing a picture with precision, pale from exaggeration and distant from voids. And so does TV. But is writing something I can't live without? No - I can live without the art. The same goes with TV too. But it's just that my life wouldn't be perfect, that's all.

So does that mean writing no longer carries the degree of importance I used to think it does? - Well, perhaps the hunger to write may backfire once in a while. You may get to unleash all hidden weapons at a go but that would also disrupt the balance in that piece. I would like to think writing is something I would do when something naturally inspires me and it is after all a medium to convey a thought, or a story or more accurately, a theme. It is the content of the piece of work which matters the most. The writing - as always, is an art which serves as a conduit to deliver the theme to its readers. With that in the back of the writer's mind would surely facilitates the flowing of the ink. We all love a simple love story, don't we? And writing with too many twists shuns away the fun and invites the whirlpool of confusion.

In a nutshell, writing doesn't hold the key to the centre stage in my life. It is something I do to release my emotional entrapment or just to share something with my fellow friends. I can live without it ... cause I still have got the 42-inch LCD TV fixated in the living hall (Fine, that's a lame joke I'll admit).

I'm not smart. Used to think I am. But no, I'm not.

A very well-needed update from yours truly.

Was initially inspired to write a lot of stuffs down here but it's all gone now. Something was distracting me.

But let's move on.

I've been feeling lonely lately. If you know me (or you think you do), you must be thinking, "What the hell, you've been lonely for a long while now, okay?". I don't know - this feeling didn't hit me before this and I'm serious when I said I had never felt lonely. I've always felt rather contented with myself, spending time with myself and no one else. But things have changed. A lot have changed actually. I don't know where to begin with. I guess it is true that people come and go. It's just too bad that the people around me go without any traces. I wonder if that's a good thing after all.

On a lighter note however, CNY preparation has been rather slow. Decorations are all still lying on the floor. My father was depending on me to hang them up but oh dear, there's just simply too much to do at this moment. I have not even ironed the clothes I'm planning to wear during the festive season. Oh wait, I don't even know how to match them - and I'm unsettled as to which outfit I should don on the 1st day and the subsequent days. My bro (sarcastically) suggested that I don't wear anything then. But trust me, you don't want to see me without anything on.

Today has been all about washing up - from Fye's cage to my clothes, from the stinky shoes to the filthy carpet.

Am I looking forward to D day? - To be honest, NOT REALLY. Do I want to go to Penang for the vacation? - NOT REALLY. Not of the fault of the location, but I just want to spend a peaceful day at home, watching DVDs all day. I haven't got the chance to do that since God knows when. Hmmph... that should be a perfect Birthday present for me this year.