Sue's Rendezvous

Monstrous.

2012-01-14T15:49:00.006+08:00

Okay, I'll admit - I've been trying too hard far too long. What I am today (being pretentious) is a result of that relentless commitment of filling in the role I was taught to aspire to be one day. I've always wanted to be the person with subtle elegance and charisma with some degree of authority thriving along with almost everything I touch and get involved in. But what that ambition has made of me, is something I chide myself for every single day. And for these days, I would stand before the mirror, looking for my reflection, and turn away. I couldn't bear looking at my ugly self. I have turned into a monster, obsessed over perfection and everything glamorous, and intimidated by the better, greater things other monsters possess. I have to stop being so uptight and possessive over myself. Spontaneity and impulse are qualities I look at in admiration but those I could only yearn for in a life removed from the eyes of the people I want to impress who also happen to be the bunch I cherish the most.

My Treasured Heartache

2012-01-13T21:55:00.004+08:00

Remember this date - 14th January 2012 - The day where FT Island held a concert in Malaysia and I couldn't be there to witness that historical event. I know I know, the older, more wrinkled and more matured me who is reading this at a later time would read this entry and begin giggling at the sight of the word, 'FT Island', reminiscing how silly I was then. But remember, I am at this point, as I'm writing, am on the verge of ripping my heart out to bring its burning sensation to a halt. As a result of the failure to do so, I was made to endure withdrawal symptoms. Lack of concentration, anxiety, high-octane level of sensitivity, and the extreme somberness were only some of the many psychology rides I have been taking on today.

I am sorry, Superpeng, for forsaking a rare opportunity for you to indulge sinfully in fangirl-ing over a group of 5 cutie pies. I swear that I'll make myself work very hard, earn lots and lots of money that I'll pay people for chaperoning me to concerts.

Sunlight.

2011-12-07T20:56:00.004+08:00

Watched 'Breaking Dawn' this morning.

And truth to be told, I am one of those romantic hopeless, tearing up over little heroic acts and big, creative, moving lines. And that's exactly what Breaking Dawn is TRYING to be. If you've read one of my previous posts on Moonlight, I said something along the lines of, that film was attempting to be something it's not capable of. And I'll have to copy and paste that remark for this installment.

But thankfully, there weren't many nugatory happenings to the build-up, unlike the previous ones. In fact, they jumped right to the readers' favourite and audience's hyped about scene - D wedding. The wedding dress was different than what one would have expected and I shall not comment on that. I have my own fantasies about the best-looking wedding dresses. On a solemn note though, that formality was job well done. It was as if it was done by ticking off every component on the list of must-haves for a perfect wedding - parents presenting family's treasured heirloom to the bride, check; mom tearing up, check; dad's lukewarm treatment towards his son-in-law, check; never-before-seen kindred, check; the bossy bridesmaid, check; the cheeky bridesmaid, check; a little bit of the family feud in between, check; some man (or in this case, a werewolf), baulking with the news of the marriage, oh so check; a wide-ranging genre of toasts - some were farcical, some were felicitous, and some were frivolous, check; and of course, how can we miss the very touching lines enunciated by both the bride and groom, that one not so check. There was nothing I found creative neither was it moving. Oh, there was one and it couldn't even be classified as a novelty. It was just a recital of the stale we-will-remain-married-for-better-for-worse-for-richer-for-poorer-in-sickness-in-health-blah blah blah wedding vows.

Damn, couldn't comment on the highlight of the film - the bed scene! It didn't get pass our censor. Too bad. I thought, if there's one thing which will receive credit from me, that would be their bed scene.

But there really is something worth some credit. Bella's father! He was good. Good as an actor and as a father. In fact, he nearly stole the spotlight in the wedding. Tears welled up when he bid her daughter goodbye and quipped that there's always a home for Bella to return to if she's not happy with the Cullens.

I have a serious complaint to file in the dialogue department - Why can't you just say that Edward will kill Bella if they were to have sex?! Why the purposeful bereavement of the word, sex or first night or intercourse?! Is it because it's going to take the literary element out of the dialogue? Or is it that it'll make Americans sound smarter? I took a wholesome 9 seconds to figure what Jacob was mad about when he found out Bella wouldn't be 'transformed' on the night of the wedding. Or maybe it's just that I'm dumb. And that would give you a rough idea of how the entire script was written. They were talking about some things without mentioning that something in their conversation. That's not cool. I'm not saying the audience wouldn't be smart enough to figure it out but the dialogue was very contrived. Like, the characters want themselves or the scriptwriter or the author want the characters to sound smart which didn't come across as such to me.

Phew, that's only on the first half of the film. The remaining of the film, was the same old story. The continuation of the battle between the dogs and the bats. The battle scene wasn't even epic to begin with. We already knew what was coming - the vampires will be lose the fight but win the battle.

Huge spoiler ahead!

Bella turning into vampire. Really? It will then defeat the whole theme weaving ubiquitously - the romance between an immortal and a mortal. So now we're heading to another instalment of the same film but with a different theme?

The whole film was better than what I had expected. I'm dead serious here! - despite the impression elicited in the above paragraphs. I walked into the theatre watching Twilight, expecting something different but was pleasantly surprised. That paved a higher expectation for the second one and it was downright imploded. And then the third one was less annoying. So, I told myself to not expect ANYTHING from Breaking Dawn and I was once again, just like the first time, pleasantly surprised. See, the trick is the mental strategy you set yourself for. But for a film which has grossed so much and garnered so much hype for, it was simply not good enough. And it certainly is nowhere near the bar set by Harry Potter. Sorry for being so mean. When my brother asked why am I still willing to pay to watch it, I told him, "Oh, I'm just as shallow as any of the girls out there". And I bet I will still portray that sort of willingness when the finale comes out next year.

My First.

2011-11-23T17:56:00.008+08:00

A toast to a first for me today. A first for hesitating to look forward to tomorrow and the days bound to come. A first for the desire that this day and this minute will linger around longer, the hunger for the hands in my analog watch to simply stop winding, and the desperate wish that the sun will not sink into the eerie darkness haunting the tail-end of the day. This is the moment I want to savour, to appreciate and to bask in, for all the entrapment I've endured since I could remember.

The sombre melody emanating from the MP3 given by my brother as a birthday present, protruding into my ears, felt unusually uplifting today. As I looked outside through the gigantic window panel in the bus, I urged myself to allow my lips to sport a broad smile albeit the risk of being mistaken as a fool by the not knowledgeable folks passing by as I may just miss the only time I can do so, so naturally. As I took that second to elaborate my lips, breathe in, and chest out, my heart was released of any sort of disgruntlement, dissatisfaction and jealousy. Just sheer contentment that was all in there. And I knew in that instance that the risk was well paid off.

I don't want this day to end, nor this year to end, nor this term to end, nor this college-going days to end. How can I prevent them all from coming true? For the first time ever, I'm happy with where my feet land on, with the scenic view my eyes lay upon, with the grueling tasks my hands juggle with. If there is a trap I will fall for and be trapped in forever, it is this bubble of happiness I'd beg for. It may not give much, not enough for me to stand with my own might, not enough to reach the sparkling stars clattered in the mighty sky. It matters not to me, not now - as finally, there is something, a result of my own-doing, that makes me feel I am worth of a place on this planet Earth. And cheers to that.

2011-10-24T23:13:00.003+08:00

Just realised what I'm worth to them. I'm nothing but a tool for them to maneuver around.

Believe in what you see, not what you hear.

2011-10-23T00:03:00.001+08:00

I was wrong. She was bad after all. Moral of the story - do not judge a person by her demeanor.

Don't Get Me Wrong.

2011-10-19T23:07:00.001+08:00

I hate her. She's not a bad person. I just hate her, that's all.

2011-10-13T22:49:00.002+08:00

Without realising, I have spent one third of my life accomplishing nothing.

$$$

2011-09-07T14:46:00.003+08:00

Things haven't been running on a good note lately. Effort invested hasn't been reimbursed in any bit. Conflicts arising within the domestic clans. The deprivation of financial luxury has become more prominent than ever today.

Nothingness.

2011-08-26T15:15:00.002+08:00

Doing nothing actually makes you fat. No, to be precise, having nothing to do makes one fat. And I am a living proof to that theory.

Esteem Redeemed (Continued).

2011-08-22T15:43:00.006+08:00

So! The results were out and I scored ... Very thrilled with the sight of it on my computer screen, a far cry from how it looked last year, same time. I was contented with the evasion from having to revise and revisit the same thing all over. The scores could have been better, I reckon. It would have eased the intensity I couldn't help but to encounter the rest of this and next year. I was pleased with my result, not least to say. The mere thought of having to endure the devastation I was drowned into last year was a nightmare I feared would materialise one day and injected chills into my glands of fear. Failure would only magnify vulnerability in the weak. Only the strong, tough, passionate ones could turn that into a source of strength. But I am no strong, tough nor passionate. Neither am I smart (I used to arrogantly think I am), bright or intelligent. I am just a hardworker often left lurking, praying for outcomes worthy a compensation for the effort I invested in.

So, thank me that I could kick start the second half of the year on a decent note. Not a bright, sparkly one but a decent one.

Attached.

2011-08-22T15:14:00.004+08:00

Completed my attachment 2 weeks ago but was just plain lazy to write about it. I dreaded going to work from Day 1, in anticipation of cold colleagues and arduous tasks. But the people there proved me wrong. The people were as nice as any kind people I have seen in my life. They were just plain nice, downright friendly. It had always felt like a home in the chambers, a place we played, brood, joked, bantered around and getting right down to the business. The duration settled very little on my future path but it mattered very little, really. It's the people and the warmth which I learnt and that was all it took to assuage me.

My mentor was however, an exception (along with the silly, often joke-of-the-day Mr.Ong, the IT guy) to that general notion. He was distant and a tinge of sarcasm could be detected from his mild chuckles and naughty smirks. Somehow I have a feeling that he did not take me seriously as I look like a kid (particularly with my overhanging bangs). But that will be plunged down easily into the lost memory storage somewhere in my brain by the greater and happier things I experienced during my time there.

The final day of my attachment can be summed up with one word - poignant. I (and the other attachees) begun our final day like any other normal day we would - breakfast in the 7th floor, chatting time in the chambers and just fooling around. 2 of the attachees were busy snapping photos of memories. And we spent most of our time clicking away in the Solitaires and Zombies vs Plants. We were caught red-handed by Mr.Ong - that was perhaps the only ordeal we encountered that day. But when the time to say goodbye came, it struck me that I am leaving that this is the end. The hugs, handshakes, wishing 'good luck's and 'all the best's made the emotion deep down inside more grueling than ever.

And it was raining! Not perhaps the best weather to endure when you're in heels but it's got to be the best farewell gift the heaven can break for your last day at work. My umbrella was shared with another attachee and together, we four braced through the culminating rain with Jack screaming all-across about the damp weather and his soaked shoes.

The monorail ride was egregious - huge crowd, a blend of furious, impatient and forceful folks but it was fun to be sandwiched among them and don't ask me why. It was inexplicable. In my dad's car, a song was playing. I have no clue of the singer nor the title but the chorus contains a line which goes, "nothing compared to you". The traffic on the road was equally bad but it was perfect because it allowed me to reminisce over the beautiful 2 weeks of my attachment I underwent and it was truly nothing compared to that. Thank you SLB! I wasn't lying when I told my mentor that I had a great time attaching there. I really did!

2011-08-18T22:31:00.001+08:00

Esteem redeemed.

A Cat From KK - Meow!

2011-07-21T13:15:00.002+08:00

I have a friend. She is from Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. She is a law student. She insists that I must write up an entry about her and there you go.

P/s: I do miss you. And I have grown so fat that I am barely recognisable.

2011-07-12T00:05:00.003+08:00

A proper channel has been set up for solutions to be drafted. Why adopt an informal route to seek solutions? Why create another problem in search for a solution? Why the need to project a gruesome image to the not knowledgeable ones? Why?

Logic

2011-07-04T16:44:00.003+08:00

Men are always contradictory; our hearts don't seem to correspond with logic.

We want to ride on high waves when our lives sail smoothly in an ocean which has nothing but serenity. We put colours in an unstained sheet of monogamous-coloured paper. We choose to defy the odds, turning our backs against the routes predestined for us. We bring ourselves close to what was called the mistake by our ancestors without any confidence in rewriting the history, silencing the onlookers. We drive deep into the dark, knowing of the slim chance of finding the light at the end of it.

This is the nature of men and this is the logic about our nature.

SYLVEA!!!!!!!

2011-06-25T00:06:00.002+08:00

I couldn't find Sylvea on facebook (not to mention, MSN). So, I was left with no choice but to pray and hope that she will see this - My attachment is starting from 2nd August till I don't know when but it'll only be for 2 weeks.

Dear, Sylvea.

2011-05-04T09:48:00.003+08:00

It seems that this friend of mine, is thirsty for attention. Too bad that she's chosen the wrong stage to be at simply because this is not a popular stage - not frequently visited.

Anyway, an update on my current life - Whilst it is true that stress is seeping in slowly but surely into my head but my heart ain't pounding hard n my palms ain't sweaty at all. In fact, I'm more worried on how on earth can I get home after the paper without having to resort to a cab service. And even if I do, where should I fetch one?

I woke up at 6am this morning but was lazing around until 9.30am - very sleepy and was dozing off every time I flip the pages of my notes. Had this wistful thought that watching the tele for a brief moment and browsing through the internet could rejuvenate my spirit, executed them and still found myself falling asleep and had this really sweat dream (I kissed a guy!) that I wasn't mad at myself for dozing off at all.

And could you believe it? - I hadn't had a single serving of frap ever since Starbucks announced their promotion!!! I am determined to have it today jugak. And I really want that McDonald's coke glass. My bro went there trying to get a hold on one but they told him, "sudah habis stok". My heart was torn apart. AHHHH.... I know! It'd be nice of this attention-thirsty friend of mine to get me this as a birthday present. I want the charcoal one so badly but today is the last day to get the charcoal glass. Well, I think pink is not bad either.

Backwards.

2011-03-28T01:16:00.002+08:00

It seems like everyone else is doing so well and I'm the only one left behind, struggling to keep up with my position.

2011-03-19T09:39:00.001+08:00

Hi, Sylvea.

Writing

2011-03-01T08:06:00.006+08:00

Writing - What it means to me? That's the question I asked myself when I somehow managed to flip over to the teen section in the paper this morning. One of them wrote that writing means a whole lot than meets the eyes to her. Wow! Amazed I was of her style of writing. At the mere age of 18, her suave writing was prominent throughout the whole article. Oh, and the other kids too. Yeah, they are kids to me, cause that's just how old I feel of late. I am certainly nowhere near their level and I'm 20, turning 21 2 months from now. Most of them it seems are avid readers and that, they attributed as the impetus for their matured level of English proficiency.

In stark contrast, I don't read a lot. That habit was just never been instilled into my upbringing. Book stores were and are still never a haven for me. Walking into the libraries, abundant with a variant colours of book covers never fails to intimidate me.

It is television which made up most of my childhood and teen-age. Television is my addiction and honestly, without it, life would be like McChicken without the mayonnaise, keropok lekor without the sweet chili sauce and of course a picture without its colours. It's the apparently insignificant detail but something which taints the supposedly perfection of life.

I love writing, I really do. I, in fact, have always wanted to make a living out of writing alone which explains my fantasy jobs like journalist, columnist, and author. But am I good enough to make them my rice bowls bearing in mind that even a 16-year-old can write better than me? Sigh... But beyond that question, I realise that my hunger for it cannot possibly match that of theirs.

So, what writing means to me? - Writing is an art. Constructing a sentence is an art. Selection of words to be fitted into a sentence is also an art. It's a way of drawing a picture with precision, pale from exaggeration and distant from voids. And so does TV. But is writing something I can't live without? No - I can live without the art. The same goes with TV too. But it's just that my life wouldn't be perfect, that's all.

So does that mean writing no longer carries the degree of importance I used to think it does? - Well, perhaps the hunger to write may backfire once in a while. You may get to unleash all hidden weapons at a go but that would also disrupt the balance in that piece. I would like to think writing is something I would do when something naturally inspires me and it is after all a medium to convey a thought, or a story or more accurately, a theme. It is the content of the piece of work which matters the most. The writing - as always, is an art which serves as a conduit to deliver the theme to its readers. With that in the back of the writer's mind would surely facilitates the flowing of the ink. We all love a simple love story, don't we? And writing with too many twists shuns away the fun and invites the whirlpool of confusion.

In a nutshell, writing doesn't hold the key to the centre stage in my life. It is something I do to release my emotional entrapment or just to share something with my fellow friends. I can live without it ... cause I still have got the 42-inch LCD TV fixated in the living hall (Fine, that's a lame joke I'll admit).

2011-02-16T13:52:00.001+08:00

I'm not smart. Used to think I am. But no, I'm not.

A very well-needed update from yours truly.

2011-02-01T23:28:00.003+08:00

Was initially inspired to write a lot of stuffs down here but it's all gone now. Something was distracting me.

But let's move on.

I've been feeling lonely lately. If you know me (or you think you do), you must be thinking, "What the hell, you've been lonely for a long while now, okay?". I don't know - this feeling didn't hit me before this and I'm serious when I said I had never felt lonely. I've always felt rather contented with myself, spending time with myself and no one else. But things have changed. A lot have changed actually. I don't know where to begin with. I guess it is true that people come and go. It's just too bad that the people around me go without any traces. I wonder if that's a good thing after all.

On a lighter note however, CNY preparation has been rather slow. Decorations are all still lying on the floor. My father was depending on me to hang them up but oh dear, there's just simply too much to do at this moment. I have not even ironed the clothes I'm planning to wear during the festive season. Oh wait, I don't even know how to match them - and I'm unsettled as to which outfit I should don on the 1st day and the subsequent days. My bro (sarcastically) suggested that I don't wear anything then. But trust me, you don't want to see me without anything on.

Today has been all about washing up - from Fye's cage to my clothes, from the stinky shoes to the filthy carpet.

Am I looking forward to D day? - To be honest, NOT REALLY. Do I want to go to Penang for the vacation? - NOT REALLY. Not of the fault of the location, but I just want to spend a peaceful day at home, watching DVDs all day. I haven't got the chance to do that since God knows when. Hmmph... that should be a perfect Birthday present for me this year.

2011-01-22T14:20:00.000+08:00

Life has been ... frustrating, I suppose. Well, just an update. Tata.

The Beauty of a Four-legged Friend.

2010-10-29T11:46:00.012+08:00

Spent a Wednesday afternoon watching 'Hachiko : A Dog's Tale' with Jane. It's disappointing to not see her crying out freely when I have a pair of real swollen eyes exiting the theatre and she had the guts to laugh at me. Argh... COLD HEARTED!

It's surprising that the one thing that left a strong impression on my memory wasn't anything about the dog. I am weird. I remember when the daughter of Richard Gere's character (funny how I couldn't remember his name - perhaps it's due to the people around him keep referring to him as Professor) brought her boyfriend home and when the 2 men were happy grilling the slices of meat, Richard Gere wasn't interested in anything the boyfriend was saying and quickly stopped his blabbering by asking him, "Do you love my daughter?". He was stunned but he answered, "Yes." And Gere went on to say, "Good. That's the only thing you need to remember when you two are going through rough patches" (not quite the exact words from his dialogue). I was taken aback and was amazed at how true and witty that line was. I wonder if my father would ask the same thing to my boyfriend. I remember reading an article whereby the author said that we do not measure how much we love someone but by measuring how much we love someone when we do not love him/her. That line was confusing but the statement by Gere was enlightening.

Okay, let's get back to Hachi, the dog. Yes, that's the dog's name, not Hachiko. It did beg the question in my mind, why would they name the movie, Hachiko not Hachi but I guess that doesn't quite matter. The film wasn't that interesting until ironically, Richard Gere died. But I think they built the story perfectly to draw the degree of compassion out of the viewers to its optimum level. I like it also that they didn't put Hachi in the limelight throughout the whole film. For instance, during the wedding of Gere's daughter, Hachi was only sitting on the couch (or was it a chair?) observing the celebration. His life and his surroundings were viewed according to how Hachi would observe it. Everything happens naturally - nothing that an owner and his dog wouldn't do.

There was however a bit of a gap there that I think can be filled up. Like, the ball Professor was squeezing with. It got out of his hand when he collapsed. The writer could have had the ball returned to either Hachi in some way or just do something with it. They built it as it was a first for Hachi to fetch but didn't make anything out of it. I thought that wasn't tied up nicely. I also hated to see Hachi sleeping under a container on the railway line when the Professor's daughter could have done something about it. That was when I cried the most. I know the characters kept insisting that is what's best for him and we should let him do that blah blah blah... to show that human beings know what a dog wants but if we, humans do think we know what's best for him, it should also have come across our mind that he needs a shelter to spend the nights at and the dark and cold railway line isn't the best place to lay our heads on. Nobody seems to care where he would go in the night. They were all just amazed and moved by the fact that he waits outside the train station at 9 in the morning and 5 in the evening. That part to me, was a bit unrealistic. If I love my dad so much, I am pretty much sure that I will treat his precious stuffs like they're precious to me as well let alone, it's a living creature.

But all in all, it's a one hour and a half worth spending in the theatre. Many people claimed that they want a dog after watching this. Nah, it didn't inspire me in doing that at all. Maybe I've witnessed the downside of having one (or worse, more) right before my eyes hence the apathy. And it only goes to show Hachi's case is a one in a million. So don't put your hopes so high when you get yourself a dog. I remember once foreseeing my hamster will do all the same things like Hamtaro did in the famous Japanese cartoon but he didn't. Guess that gave me a lesson.

Wouldn't you want your dog to wait for you by the LRT station when you return home from a long day?

2010-10-26T14:51:00.001+08:00

Blogging here when I have a very important thing to do tomorrow. Should be gearing myself for it. But have been feeling lazy-ish all day long. This must be due to inertia.

2010-10-20T13:12:00.001+08:00

The newly bought coffee-maker sucks! Next - an OVEN!

She's Not Around

2010-09-20T22:48:00.003+08:00

Sigh... If you're thinking of going to Borders in Times Square and savour its relaxed environment along with the opportunity to abuse the free-reading facility, drop that plan. Cause they're going to be relocated and are currently busy conducting this relocation sale and hence, the shut down of Starbucks, in my personal opinion, the only perks of Borders. Oh well, life sucks. It dashed my hope of studying there cause it's pretty quiet and the best is, I can take any law books off the shelf in case I need some reference. My school's library sucks. Most of the books I want have been taken by others for plagiarism purpose and it's packed with hordes of hard-workers (props to them).

Ended up at the other Starbucks in Times Square and let's just say it wasn't the best option for studying.

Damn it, should have gone to Kinokuniya in KLCC as I had initially planned yesterday.

If you're thinking, why am I writing such an insignificant story here - the answer is, someone whom I've always shared my itsy bitsy stories with is now on an msn sabotage plan and has sort of determined to duck out from social network. Hence, here I am, hoping that she will read this and return to where she truly belongs.

2010-08-21T23:37:00.002+08:00

I grew up thinking, I need no friends, want no friends and that friends mean nothing more than a live stage to signal to others that you're leading a normal life. But I guess I was wrong. At times, friendship is that one zone which you're looking to step onto no matter how many times you were given a chance to make a detour. It devours not only of your discomfort and pressure but also your dignity and strength. It's the only place you don't have to hide your inner feelings and the only place you feel you can share your world with. It's the place you can stage your story, no matter how lousy the plot and acting may be. It's the place where no one else but true friends can provide you.

Good Morning, Heidelberg!

2010-06-24T08:50:00.011+08:00

Working in Heidelberg has been rather an eye-opener for me in the past weeks. But it just did not feel fulfilling for me. I would complete my daily, morning routines - segregating the newspapers and letters, make myself a cup of coffee, log into the intercom system - all within minutes and I'm free afterwards. Sitting there, waiting for phone calls is honestly speaking, has never been the ideal job I've always imagined myself to be doing.

There is no sense of accomplishment for me unless, - managing to figure out the names (imprecisely) pronounced by the incoming correspondents, "pampering" (I quote my superior) the secretaries by delivering the letters right at their cubicle steps, inserting letters into envelopes swiftly and arranging invoices/documents according to their serial numbers - sound like an accomplishment to you.

Despite all these - my admiration and affection towards the need to swipe my card whichever region I enter, the hot beverage maker, the glass doors and partitions - remain unchallenged.

The initial two days, I dreaded reporting myself to work knowing that questions will be asked over my competency in handling the given workload. Nevertheless, in no time at all, going to work seemed fine to me, In certain days, I, in fact, looked forward to it ... but for the wrong reason. I was looking forward to reading what's happening next in Gokinjo Manogatari, a manga scanned online.

Don't I make a pathetic receptionist? The free time I used not only to read manga online which seems to no longer surprise the rest (they might have found out about it long time ago), I twitter and email (to Sylvea, who seemed to have become my pen friend), log in to websites which are not blocked by my company's network system and even blog (yes, this entry was typed during working hours). And the time left after these, made me paint images of the staff laughing behind my back. Although, most of the staff here (most as in most of the staff whom I know), have been treating me fine. One or two were really nice. But the Whites don't seem to be fond of me. One of them even greeted the receptionist of the other company occupying the same building but not me.

In my third week now, panic no longer is the case in answering calls. I could still remember how I performed in my first phone call. The phone rang way before I could even manage to warm up my chair - "Hell0 ... *shivering* Heidelberg. Co .... urm, errr". *while staring at my boss, begging her to tell me what to do next* My boss' feedback was well, let's just say, she was honest about it, verging on being blunt. But I sucked it up. Had to. The next day, this call came from my own colleague but she was as unforgiving as anyone else. She stimulated tears in my tear glands. This, also I had to suck it up. Had to.

As time starts gaining pace, the names issued by the incoming correspondents no longer sound strange to me. Very rarely do I find myself asking the callers to hold on in order to allow me to check the name list. Faces starting to get familiarised with my sight. The colleague who elicited tears in me, started carving wide smiles to me. Few could remember my name. Even fewer could utter my name with sufficient accuracy.

But never once, I looked like an old-timer here. Never once I could gather courage to chat with my colleagues about the World Cup or juicy gossips. Never once my superior seemed interested in my personal live. Never once they want to know me.

Besides the wages, I really don't know what other positive feature of working here I could give myself as a reason to stay put in this company. Being a receptionist doesn't add value to my portfolio, neither does it allow me to boast around - the post itself sounds shallow and futile. I am wondering if I am truly making full use of my 3-month break.

2010-06-16T09:43:00.006+08:00

Son : Limitations of the human brain mean we may never understand the secrets of universe, says Britain's top scientist.

Father : Big deal! I don't even understand your MOTHER!

Mother : *sporting a wide frown*

- Courtesy of The Malay Mail; Tue, 15th June 2010; irwan@mmail.com.my -

You've got to hand it to this fella.

2010-06-15T22:12:00.003+08:00

I know I know, the pimples are an eye-sore. Quit complaining. Just focus on my glasses. Don't you think it makes me look like I mean business?

2010-05-27T12:09:00.000+08:00

How to disable a stolen mobile phone.

To check your mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone!: * # 0 6 #, a 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.

2010-05-27T11:24:00.002+08:00

Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Hidden Battery Power.

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

P/S : OMG, this is so cool. I haven't tried it out yet. Might actually kick off an experiment to verify the hypothesis. Okay, now I shall just wait for my mobile battery to run really low. It's currently on 12%.

Taxi!

2010-05-24T21:36:00.005+08:00

I was driving my mom to fetch some groceries and guess what, I bumped into the most horrific and pathetic taxi driver EVER. I was trying to reverse to get out of my parking space and I initially thought of doing so only after this cab cleared the way. But he beckoned me to drive out and I obliged (unfortunately!). But he only allowed me a very narrow space to do so and I obviously couldn't get out of my parking spot (not even a seasoned driver will succeed). Then, he came up to me and scolded me - "Moi, you tau jalan ke tak tau jalan!". It's as if he did this on purpose just so he could make me his punching bag. I had to apologise for his fault cause I was so afraid he might just walk out of his car with a hokey stick and brandish it on my windscreen. He moved on and so did I. I regretted over something though - I should have taken his number plate down and reported this to his taxi company. I'll make him lose his job and his rice bowl and his family (they might leave him due to his anger mismanagement and also the fact that he'd gone broke). Okay, just dreaming. But hey, I could have and would have. I'm just too kind-hearted to do that to him (Yucks!).

2010-05-07T15:48:00.000+08:00

Hmm... when was the last time I had breakfast? I don't remember.

2010-05-03T23:12:00.001+08:00

Surpising - I am looking forward to do what I hate the most.

2010-04-30T02:04:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm jealous of you. Are you satisfied now?!

Isolated.

2010-04-20T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'm sick and tired of you ... already. Now, go away alright!

2010-04-18T01:32:00.002+08:00

When will we ever change? Only He knows. What I do know is that stubbornness and determination are two things, each taking one side of the mirror.

If I could choose to possess a superpower, I want to be able to travel across dimensions, running away from reality and brutality.

The word 'if' is a despicable word because it reminds us of the wrong route we have taken yet, cunningly serving us a guilty pleasure by depicting the alternatives we would have had we taken the other route.

That's how morbid we really are - constantly envisaging the 'other' one running on the alternate path, living an ounce happier than us, savouring an extra inch of content, and boosting a giant leap of reverence.

2010-04-16T18:07:00.002+08:00

It takes a great man to embrace equality with open arms. It takes a noble woman to uncover fragility with open heart. There is always this thing called the give and take principle. It matters not who gives and who takes but what is to be given and what is to be taken.

2010-04-13T11:50:00.000+08:00

Awh, it was just something very random. Why so serious?

2010-04-11T23:10:00.001+08:00

I hate you, you b***h!

As Promised (3)

2010-03-27T23:40:00.002+08:00

They came in hordes.

Fireworks! There were tons of them. They make great viewing pleasure except that towards the end, the burning smell of it was a tad bit too much for my liking.

Have you seen live action with animated background? - Super Junior was doing just that. The visuals were awesome.

Woah, look at that line-up. Nobody can do it better than them.

Having fun on that RM 6 million stage.

Look at those million dollar babies.

Yup, that's it. I'm pretty much done with them. Videos might be next but not too sure about that yet. In the meanwhile, salivate over these first. Farewell!

As Promised (2)

2010-03-27T23:09:00.005+08:00

I think this pic should have the widest coverage amongst all which I have.

Kim Heechul - the weirdo in Super Junior. His favourite colour - PINK!

Donghae and Eunhyuk performing a dance routine.

Eunhyuk!

K.R.Y + Sungmin

Eunhyuk. I have a video of him singing on that pole. Might post it up later. So, cross your fingers.

Henry + violin = SEXY

They were performing 'Don't Don', D climax (in my humble opinion) of the entire concert.

Henry, strutting his stuffs. Told you he stole some of the major spotlights in that show.

As Promised

2010-03-24T20:54:00.003+08:00

Henry, from Super Junior-M. Frankly, he was stealing some major spotlights from Super Junior.

Super Junior-M performing 'Super Girl'.

Bubbly anchovy - Eunhyuk!

Some silly moves.

Leeteuk : Ok, it's a wrap guys! Good job.

Don't go away, there's more. Just hang on there, alright.

It was a Super Duper Show.

2010-03-22T09:58:00.004+08:00

Spoiler (Tips : click on the picures for an enlarged view) :

Keep checking my blog to view more. Gee, I'm loving this strategy.

Our Proximity with a [Big] Star

2010-03-21T18:59:00.003+08:00

At last! A video ... from me! This is my first in uploading a video. It took me days to figure out the way to. It was beyond any words in my vocab list that I could find to describe our distance with one of the SUJUs. So, make sure you watch this. More to come. Stay tune!

I Hate You, But Love You Too.

2010-02-04T23:31:00.004+08:00

"I think one thing sort of defines it which is, it's not how much you love someone when you love them, but it's how much you love them when you hate them. It's when you're in that moment where you cannot stand what the person you're with is doing, but you still love them. That's when you need to show it -- not just say it, but show it."

- Ashton Kutcher, on the secret to a lasting relationship -

Awh.... don't know if I should agree with him cause I've never been in a relationship but heck, that came from a guy who's been married to a super woman who is 16 years older than him for 4 years which spells eternity in Hollywood; you gotta take heed of his advice!

I'm GOING!!

2010-01-24T20:18:00.007+08:00

Where else but to Super Junior's Concert - The 2nd Asia Tour Super Show 2 in Bukit Jalil. The tickets weren't cheap AT ALL. But I must go at all cost. Praying that it won't be cancelled just like that of the SINGLE LADY from the high-end city and the girl who is struggling with DISTURBIA.

The seats won't be from a vantage position as what we would have liked. (So what!)

Tik Tok

2010-01-16T07:41:00.002+08:00

Running out of time. Hurry, you!! But...

On a different note altogether, I like Kesha's 'Tik Tok' but 2Pm's 'Tik Tok' is better. If you're wondering who is or rather WHAT is 2PM, go google them (Sylvea's favourite line).

I'm jealous of you. I am almost hoping you didn't get it in the first place so that I won't feel the pressure of creating my own legacy.

Stop it, all right!! Told you, I don't want it!

I, was obviously under influence (either by some marijuana or tequila) while writing this.

Record : 2 pair of brackets.

N/B: Not bad. Strive for nil.

Mind Game

2010-01-05T21:58:00.004+08:00

I'm currently multi-tasking and am doing a terrible job at it. Yesterday was the first day of school after 2 weeks of well-deserved holidays (well, sort of). My head was aching that at one point I was thinking of dashing out of the classroom to find a comfy spot under the LRT station to have a nap. I was dozing off in all 4 classes and lunch did no help at all. I wasn't even proactive enough to entertain Mr. Patrick's perpetual stare. The monologue running through my head was screeching, "Stare however much you want, my eyes will continue to droop!!!". Reached home, wasted no time to jump on my bed and lay my head on the pillow. Shower, it can wait; TV, who gives a damn; dinner, not now thank you; Study, get out of my way!

Some of my friends have completed STPM. It's bizarre though - seeing people around me getting rid of examination papers out of their sights whilst here I am, trying very hard to concentrate on my studies. I hate switching on my laptop now cause whenever I do, (even if it's for reading or surfing the net for knowledgeable resources) I would excuse myself for 5 minutes to check out my facebook page or to play sushido on viwawa (yeah, I'm back to the game after many months of hiatus) but it'd always end up me being glued for many more minutes. The idea of ADHD struck me. I might just be the next Michael Phelps, you know. Only if I'm A BIT taller, A BIT slimmer, and look A BIT more douche-bag-like than I already am.

Yay, no time test this week. Figured so, since we have not even commenced on HRA. I must say, I was impressed by Mr. Reuben. He used to give me the impression of a relentless promoter you'd see in super/hyper-markets. But yesterday was cool despite the surging onslaught in my head.

And ya, with regards to the new year resolutions (didn't plan to come up with one until Sylvea asked me so) - I think what I want the most is to open up a little bit (a lot) more and start being a 'Yes' person. (I revealed to Sylvea a different list altogether). [Lately, I've been bracket-ing a lot and this syndrome continues in my essay as well. Gee, need to find a cure... quick.]

Car Wash

2009-12-26T10:22:00.008+08:00

Made my debut in The Curve. Exploring the street there. Not into shopping there cause the stores are not as diverse as those in Mid Valley or even One Utama. What sets it apart I suppose is the pedestrian-styled street flanked by restaurants serving Asian delicacies and Western cuisine, giving me a brief and mild European chill down my spine. Went there to savour the daylight phenomenon ....

The gigantic Christmas tree.

Yee-haa!!! My favourite animal of all time. (All who were born in 1990 should know why)

The grand entrance to Malaysians' 'Wonderland'.

Then, we thought - "Hey, know what, the night view would be better and there's going to be a snowfall later" - and hence, we came back to salvage the moon from being taken for granted by those who shine beneath it. (Yeah, my father owns an oil rig in Dubai and thus, we can afford wasting car petrol) That's when I realised my phone works pathetically in the night. The images were blurry and I couldn't capture the FAKE snow flakes.

I like the lighting.

The crowd grew larger as the clock ticking towards the night.

Stretch your eyeballs real wide and you should be able to spot the traces of snow a.k.a detergent's residue.

Those aren't styrofoam beads (unlike those in I-City) if that's what you're thinking. They are foam you'd get from washing your dishes. Yeah, you must be thinking, "eww... that's worse than styrofoam" OR "yay... we don't need to bathe today cause we would have been cleansed". LOL... Despite the cheap way of producing snow for us, we dove in among the crowd and got tons of bubbles on our mainly, hair, arms and my phone (cause I had been snapping all that while).

I want to go to Pavilion! I've read many blogs which shower praises onto the Christmas decorations there. But, oh well, Christmas has already ended anyway.

Oh ya, my (family's) dog passed away 2 days ago.

BRANDY

2007 – 2009 (23^rd December)

To, our most energetic and our naughtiest member of the family, rest in peace and you will always occupy a special space in our memory lane.

2009-12-21T22:35:00.004+08:00

ELLO! I'm back! After quite some time of blog hopping and YouTube-ing, I have finally decided to re-stamping my footprint on my own blog. No, I did not abandon it nor was I attempting to. Approximately 2 weeks ago, I was busy with my mocks. That being done, I was busy sleeping and catching up with some of my favourite Korean stars on YouTube. Gotta admit that it took me some time to look out for those which provide English subs. Guess I'll take up some Korean classes after I'm done with the real exam which falls on May. I will then have to endure 3 months of nothing-ness. I might get my hands busy on something. Hopefully an internship. That would be so cool. Anyway, back to the present - witnessed the triumph of Katoon Network on 'Battleground', a result which I was very disgruntled with. Yes, they were very hardworking and their effort was evident on that day but the talent of Elecoldxhot was undeniable. Their routine was sharp, tight and exhilarating. I loved each and every performance of theirs from the very first preliminary round till the final. My mom preferred Katoon Network's performance though. (Ugghh, MOM!)

Dim Moon

2009-12-06T10:59:00.004+08:00

New Moon was attempting to do something it wasn't meant to be and failed miserably.

p/s : Edward Cullen this time is super-uber ugly. And Taylor Lautner is not buffed. He's Fat!

Hush Hush

2009-11-27T10:52:00.004+08:00

"I'm not a babysitter. I'm a performer"

- Adam Lambert on his outrageous performance in the American Music Awards-

Wise choice of career cause he would have been living on a welfare service otherwise. Nobody would employ him.

Saranghae

2009-10-26T19:43:00.007+08:00

I had one of the most insane nights ever - Attended a meet-Lee Min Ho-session yesterday. For the first time ever, I finally witnessed women's bitchiness. The girls were pushing perpetually just to get a glimpse of the Korean actor. I was 2 floors above the stage and the worst was, I couldn't even get to have a good look at his visage, only his well-groomed hair and of course, his head. Not that I go gaga over him. In fact, I knew virtually nothing about him until the day before yesterday where I goggled him (under Jane's suggestion). Thought this might be a perfect opportunity to broaden my *cough* general knowledge? I have never been to an event of this mode. So... that explains my eagerness. Okay, back to Mr.Lee - He was very tall indeed but when I discovered that he is of a 185 cm stature, I was taken aback cause I thought he would be like 190-odd cm (Jane brought up that figure).

I'm not too sure he looks this handsome upclose. Let's hope that he does.

Korean version of a Japanese manga, Boys over Flowers. Still think the Taiwanese version is the best cause that was the only version I have watched.

I think the worst part was the malice exhibited by the organisers. They did not even allow the fans to shake his hand, only posters were allowed to be presented on the table to be signed by him. There were times when some over-zealous fans were trying to reach out to his hand, and he equally reciprocated the intention, this black-jacketed bodyguard pull the fans over like nobody's business. How cruel!!! How could you do this to those who have waited for him since before lunch time. Mind you his session didn't start until 6pm. And the posters could only be obtained if you purchase Etude house's (the brand he was endorsing) products amounting above RM50. It was just a pity that he could only leave his autograph for like less than 30 posters before he signed off. As I was walking towards the exit, I heard flocks of complains thrown at the organisers with regards to the number of posters which were allowed to go through the largely-built guards. I could finally come to terms with the strictness of the organisers today when I was browsing through the internet. Little did I know, the very event supposedly held in Singapore was cancelled due to the over-crowding of the fans in the local plaza that they started pushing the journalists in front of them which eventually called for the cancellation. No wonder the hosts were asking us to BEHAVE (as if we are 5 year olds). But still.... we're no Singaporeans, okay?!

The Sky's Doing a Favour for Me.

2009-10-23T22:11:00.004+08:00

It's been raining a lot lately and I'm loving every bit of it (except when it occurs during my walk to and fro the college and the bus station, of course). I have been very lethargic too. Don't know why. Might be due to Liverpool's string of poor results.

When You Ain't Somebody

2009-10-22T22:43:00.003+08:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, browsing through the Internet and given a big tight slap by the reality. I noticed how discriminatory others are where they look down upon us simply because we're not from a place cool enough, not born and bred while being soaked in milky tone, not flexing the choking accent and not from a wealthy background. Ughh...

Sorry Sorry

2009-10-15T19:37:00.001+08:00

Must listen to Super Junior's 'Sorry Sorry'. But let me warn you, it's highly addictive.

Stupid Fool

2009-10-15T12:03:00.002+08:00

Supposed to spend the entire morning doing criminal assignment but.... *sigh*

I realised I have been rather stupid. Yesterday, I had this rather odd conversation with Soo Wen considering we were 10 minutes away from the time test. We were talking about scholarships and great results by our seniors. All of a sudden, she asked me, if I had applied for the JPA scholarship after my SPM result was released. I said, 'no'. You must be thinking, how stupid right, this girl - Everyone would have barged into the website and started applying for the scholarship. But the problem was, I had no freaking idea how to apply. I didn't even know that it can be applied online. I had always thought the people from JPA would come find me if my result was to their liking. (How naive I was back then) I was just wondering how nice would it be if I had applied, I might stand a chance. Even if it was only for a local U, I would have been satisfied. Well, I wouldn't have to pay a single cent for the tuition fee, at least.

I had previously applied for a couple ever since my A-levels result was out, but... nope, it was fruitless. When I browsed through the requirements for the application, I was very disappointed with how the reality has treated me - all of them reminded me that my A-levels result was simply not good enough. God, it's time to move on, man!!!

I GOT ROBBED!!!

2009-09-24T12:00:00.002+08:00

2009-09-24T11:56:00.000+08:00

2009-09-24T11:48:00.002+08:00

An OILY Night

2009-09-16T22:51:00.004+08:00

Have you ever looked up to the sky and all you could see is a glimpse of high-rise buildings, while gulping over your ice-cream?

My father's car broke down on our way home after he fetched me from college which held this really weird session with an examiner from the Uni of London. After being part of the audience of quite a number of whites, I finally came up with a conclusion about them - The older (and balder) they get, they become funnier. Guess experience plays a big role in that.

Back to what I wanted to say - He managed to stop his car in a petrol station right opposite Mid-Valley (Mobil kiosk). I was starving (for goodness sake, I have had only a bowl of rice since 12 pm and I was hanging on there for HOURS). I bought an ice-cream and enjoyed the night view. It was the coolest feeling ever to be surrounded by gigantic buildings with thousands of jolts supporting the lights, eating your favourite all-time snack, I tell you. You've got to try this, at least once in your lifetime. Unfortunately though I couldn't share that feeling with you guys cause the pictures could only do very little to portray that sort of indescribable amazement I had yesterday night.

At Last!!!

2009-09-11T23:18:00.004+08:00

I found a very special picture of my high school friends through a blog of my friend.

This was taken during Seow May's (on the left flank of this photo) birthday bash. How sweet...

I Was Proposed

2009-09-05T22:19:00.004+08:00

... by Ryan Reynolds

RIGHT! Unless I am as busty as Scarlett Johansson or as tall as Sandra Bullock, I'll never have a shot.

Watched 'The Proposal'. I drove to Mid Valley ... again. Getting better and more comfortable on the steering. Back to the Proposal - It was one of the funniest movies ever. It would be even better if you haven't watched the trailers prior to the movie cause they'll just spoil the anticipation. Sandra was in her zone, really, freaking, awesomely, sexily funny. Ryan fit into his role well. But Sandra and only Sandra stole the limelight, nobody else.

Next up - G.I Joe. Hey, hey... I know I'm lagging behind you guys. But I'm always the last, remember?

When You Just Can't Help It

2009-08-28T00:07:00.003+08:00

I am obsessed with someone. Sigh... It's supposed to be just like any other normal crush but I can't help but to daydream about him every day, every hour, every minute, every second and every moment. HELP!!!

P/S: Hehe ... don't worry. It's only a celebrity. No one special. Don't start gasping or chieh-ing.

The Laziest Day of My Life

2009-08-25T18:03:00.003+08:00

Gee, I've gone missing for some time now huh? Lazy mah... Something to spill here - I woke up at 12.30 pm today. So proud of that record. That's my first. I finished my assignment by around 2.30 am and then went on to catch Liverpool at 2.50 am while enjoying my Cintan mee (yummy). I stayed wide awake till 5.30 am. Cool, huh? All thanks to a nice cup of Nescafe (with the word, 'gold' tagging along on the bottle). That kept my eyes from drooping.

Had a brief stroll in Bangsar Village this afternoon. Guess who drove there? - Dang! You're right - It's ME!!! I was honked only once and I had to get out of the car to let my cousin do the parking. Hey, that's not due to my skills all right; the parking lot was so narrow that my mom just decided to get me off the car. I can park my car real well. I've parked in Mid Valley and Sunway Piramid before this. Don't you dare roll your eyes. Don't you!

My mom's birthday was on last Sunday. I (as in my bro and I) bought her a set of Shiseido's skincare range. Hope she's happy with that cause damn, it's Shiseido. I'm not complaining but it was really unexpectedly pricey. The salesgirl was promoting the pricier set perpetually when our eyes were all fixed on the other one. Glad that we managed to abstain from her hard-hitting persuasion. Phew...

2009-08-10T20:22:00.001+08:00

I think I am dying.

'Yong Sui' Siblings

2009-08-05T22:06:00.002+08:00

Look at my bro. Isn't he very 'yong sui'? He must be really mad at me right now. Gee, speaking of which, I think I look very yong sui too.

2009-08-04T17:14:00.003+08:00

Freaking busy now. So, let the pics do the talking. Went to Seoul Garden. Not too bad. Something new.

Oh, by the way - the arm in the pics was not mine. It's my cousin sis'. Guess her arm was thirsting for glory huh?

2009-08-03T19:41:00.001+08:00

Stop going to Genting Highlands!

That's the Closest I Could Get

2009-07-28T09:57:00.003+08:00

Found these at Toy's R Us (is that the way they spell it?).

Skys

2009-07-25T13:34:00.004+08:00

Thanks to Jane

2009-07-25T00:45:00.002+08:00

Well, she asked me to update my blog wor... Nothing much going on in my life. Err, there is actually but I have chosen not to spill it out here. Nothing to be proud of anyway. I have taken a couple of really weird pictures.I will reveal them soon. It's for goodness sake 12.45 am (I know you must be thinking, "get a brand new life". Sleep so early) Well, I am freaking tired, okay? So, good night... as in good morning. Those bloody A-Levels peeps!

We all will miss you, Happy.

2009-07-12T00:19:00.006+08:00

Err, I guess we will. Someday... when we realised that nobody is going to water the plants in the car porch and nobody will ever going to run out of the house anymore and nobody is going to sneak into the house and nobody is going to irritate our feet anymore. That day will come or so I think it will.

HAPPY

2003 - 2009

The Sky's The Limit

2009-07-11T23:48:00.011+08:00

If you have read Cathy's blog, you should already have known that we went to KLCC for a view from the 41st floor of our twin 'jagung'.

But that wasn't the most important thing of all; we went to catch Public Enemies! But still, that wasn't the juiciest thing I want to spill; I caught a glimpse of CHRISTIAN BALE in Public Enemies!!

My favourite scene? - Melvin Purvis carried Billie Frechette to the bathroom. And also, when the theatre screen asked its audience to look right and left to spot if John Dillinger was sitting right beside them. It was hilarious. There were really catchy and witty one-liners, which I loved a lot and some really distorted visuals especially the first 15 minutes or so of the film, which I obviously disliked. Well, it will definitely be a good film if Christian Bale signed onto it and I couldn't agree more with his choices of project so far.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel... Where is it?

2009-07-10T21:08:00.002+08:00

Here I am, writing in the middle of the wolves' howling and the moon sinking into the misty clouds, precipitating tears as if there's no tomorrow. And this has been the routine I have gone through for almost every sleepless night. I don't know why but in the midst of being jolly for one matter, there is always that one matter which would never fade into the happiness. Instead, it would come back and haunt me as if to remind me that my life would never end without regrets. I have let my loved ones down. It's ironic because I have always thought that they love me more that I do towards them. But after 19 years, little did I know that I actually love them more what I thought I would have. I do not know if this is a thing to be celebrated of or just a thing I should feel ashamed of. It is also weird of how I actually came to know that fact. It was when I realised that my heart was shattered into pieces, irretrievable, when their hearts were frustrated. It was when I had my tears rolled down my cheeks when their cheeks were red, filled with embarrassment. It was when my head was aching when their foreheads manifested fine but umpteenth lines. I am devastated, not due to what I've done, but because of what they expressed when they discovered the blunt and sharp dose of reality. Is it really that difficult to vent all my heartaches to the world? I know what I want. But, amidst of treading down the road I have taken, I hurt the pedestrians. Is it now all worth it? Is there a U-turn along that road which I can possibly manouevre myself to take? If there really is one, would I want to take it? Without any hesitation and a heavy heart? Do I even want to see the way back? What I do know is that I want these miseries to be evacuated from my memory while knowing that this is impossible... at least for now. Let's just hope time will soothe aches and sanitise anguishes.

Weaker

2009-07-08T23:37:00.002+08:00

This is year has been a very miserable year for me. I could no longer be able to stay up in the afternoon to study. Now, I'd have naps in the afternoon while my stamina would not permit me to stay awake long enough to compensate the wasted hours at night. I'm baffled. Or perhaps, it's just one of those effects of holidays. My Physics teacher loved to call it as the 'holiday inertia'.

Thank You for the Lessons

2009-06-29T12:56:00.003+08:00

I've learnt dozens of lessons in a day. I've learnt that rules suck. I've learnt that the world is cruel. I've learnt that it's hard to be poor. I've learnt that signatures are hard hard to come by. I've learnt that going back to school spells trouble. I've learnt that I'm so weak. I've learnt that begging is aching. I've learnt that crying is never going to help. I've learnt that other people are well off better than me. I've learnt all these in one day. I'm glad that I saw off the day without swearing.

A Bag of Wonders

2009-06-26T18:22:00.005+08:00

These 2 days have been anything but normal. Like yesterday morning, a lizard fell on my head. The last paper of my mock was cancelled, or rather deferred because of 'something' (I am not allowed to divulge the matter here because it concerns national security *gasp*) Damn, me waking up at 6.30 am was up to no use after all. And, I bought an 'over-sized' bangle in Mid Valley - The salesperson was trying to be funny. Michael Jackson passed away (shocking yet relieving). Had this weird aura in Starbucks with Cathy and Sylvea. And, was debating with Cathy over the need to learn 'Chinese' (but I do speak Cantonese and it is a Chinese dialect). That close to drinking in the toilet ... again. For the first time ever, seeing my friends not having enough money in their purses to spend on ice-cream - I mean literally. Ah, they're rich fellas. One WAS working and the other is going to work. Oh, and even Jackie is currently working in what I would call, the little white house with big price tags. So, now it's only left me with ... me?

Guess what, my holidays have officially started. Hooray! Congratulate me. It is a much-needed period in my life cause there are tons of things I want to do. I think I should better come up with a list of things-to-do right now.

2009-06-23T16:10:00.001+08:00

eew........!!!

When You Are Desperate

2009-06-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

PROMOSI MEGA

TAUKEH SUDAH GILA

MAHU WANG TAK MAHU BARANG!!!

*faint* I came across these words as I browsed through one particular brochure.

A Sincere Acknowledgement

2009-06-17T01:03:00.005+08:00

It's 1.03 AM, and what am I doing here? Nothing really. Having this sudden urge to update my blog, I guess.

But there is a more important mission to accomplish and it's a mission which is possible to complete. In fact, I am accomplishing it like... right now? (Teh Sue Peng, cut the crap. Just spit it out!)

I want to thank Jane lot.... a hell lot yeah. For the gift. I have figured out the sum you have spent on it and I am hitting the panic button now cause I might have to starve myself for a month to get you your present. Yaiks! But I do understand that it's the meaning and sincerity behind it, not the price tag which matters the most (although I do have to concede that $$ is a very reliable indicator in measuring generosity). I know it's really, freaking lame but I want to THANK YOU for splurging so much on me.

P/S (I actually have no clue whatsoever what this abbreviation means, but it looks like everyone is using it) : Christian Bale once remarked that romantic comedies are oxymorons.

I'll leave it on that note.

Why, but why and why???

2009-06-09T13:39:00.004+08:00

These were what we found ourselves asking upon leaving the cinema. Caught Terminator Salvation last weekend. Don't get me wrong, though. It's a great movie but if you haven't watched the previous instalments of the Terminator, you would be lost and that's basically what happened to us. My mother was the only one who managed to clarify our doubts but she was in the end left in the lurch with a couple of question marks in which she struggled to find the solutions to. I had to browse through the information from where else but the Wikipedia. Then only, I finally got it. Yay!

Yes, it is a loud production - with the explosions and gun-shots. Yes, it is not a film rich in twists and turns, and creativity. But all in all, it is an awesome movie. Or, perhaps it's simply because too complicated of a movie would turn our interest down (we are not competent at all times to understand certain really deep and meaningful films, all right!). If there is one thing I have to pick on, it would be the fact that John Connor (the leading actor, I suppose) wasn't exactly the one who led from the outset of the movie. Marcus (Sam Worthington) was instead, awarded the spotlight, which I think wasn't that wise of a decision. Everybody knows that John Connor is the hero of the day, so why put somebody else is the central role?! Although I did hear that this movie was for Marcus and the role of Marcus was originally to be filled in by Christian Bale but Bale decided to take on the character of John Connor. Hence, John Connor's screen role was expanded.

The Delayed Tag

2009-05-27T21:51:00.003+08:00

1. How old are you?

Nineteen

2. Are you single?

Ouch...

3. At what age do you think you'll get married?

Uhm, 52?

4. Do you think you'll be marrying the person you are with now?

I have nobody to marry at the moment.

5. If now, who do you want to marry?

Him

6. Who will be your bridesmaid or your bestman?

A friend who could make a decision on the spot.

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?

Can I have all three? Can't make up my mind.

8. Where do you plan to go for honeymoon?

I want to spend 6 months for honeymoon. I think that's enough for me to travel around the entire world.

9. How many guest do you think you'll invite?

I will only invite those who are worth inviting cause want to spend more on the honeymoon.

10. Will that include your exes?

Haha... that'll be a good way to show off.

11. How many layers of cake do you want?

Cannot be so tall lah. It will overshadow me. As you all know, I'm short. The cake cannot be taller than me or else I'll look shorter than I already am on the photo.

12. When do you want to get married?Morning or evening?

Evening. Romantic mah.

13. Name the song/tune you would like to play at your wedding?

Uhm, Love Story by Taylor Swift, I guess.

14. Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon/fork/knife?

Fine dining? Don't want. Got freaked out, no thanks to Paddington's.

15. Champagne or red wine?

Not into alcohol.

16. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?

Right after wedding - that's cool. The best part is I will not need to face my parent-in-laws.

17. Money or household items?

Money. $$$ This is what I call pragmatism.

18. How many kids would you like to have?

I'll be lucky if I can even have one. But I'll try to keep my family real small. Budget.

19. Will you record your honeymoon in DVD and CD?

Why not? As long as I will not be the one who holds the gadget. I want to be in the spotlight.

20. I want to know their wedding plan:

I tag, NO ONE. Simply because I think I am the last one to answer this tag. Lol...

He Deserves It

2009-05-23T16:49:00.008+08:00

Kris Allen deserves the American Idol crown, all right! Though I am still a fan of Danny Gokey. Kris, I think is more relevant to us and he is approachable to the people out there when you listen to him. Adam, on the other hand always feels like he is from Mars and occasionally makes a trip down to the Earth for the apes to witness his vocal prowess and enables us to gloat on that. Adam feels like he's a distance from us, unreachable and untouchable. Admit it, fans of Adam!

But this topic is already stale. I apologise for the out-of-date discussion. Let's get straight to the point. I am doing fine. Have assignments budging in but they never really wear me down. Mock's coming up next month. Wonder how am I going to deal with that.

Currently listening to Kris Allen's songs - Ain't No Sunshine, No Boundaries (prefer the studio version), and of course my favourite of all, Falling Slowly. I have downloaded Adam's songs too. I have Mad World, Black and White and No Boundaries. Frankly speaking, No Boundaries is a pretty decent song but for Idol, not suitable. It makes good single hit but for a competition, not really fitting. Don't know why but feels like both contestants were rushing to gush out the lyrics. It's too tight, I guess (don't really know how to describe that feeling). Songs like This Is My Now (Jordin Sparks), Inside My Heaven (Carrie Underwood) and even Do I Make You Proud (Taylor Hicks) were certainly the more outstanding songs which have previously featured as the finale songs.

BEFORE

AFTER

Winning the American Idol.

Why, America?

2009-05-14T23:03:00.003+08:00

Danny Gokey got the boot out of American Idol! So bloody unfair. I'm in love with his rendition of "You Are So Beautiful". The morbid, dark, sombre, pretentious, drama queen-ish, screamer with thick eye-liners won a spot in the finale. I was in disbelief. How could you do that to the poor but talented (really talented) Danny when all the si Adam could do is screeching?! Argh...

Reminiscence

2009-05-14T16:09:00.003+08:00

Ah, the 'A' Levels examination is commencing. Just a quick note - wishing all my friends (JANE, CATHY, JACKIE, JULIUS, LILY) who are sitting for the exam, good luck.

4 Different People in the Same Gang

2009-05-11T22:49:00.003+08:00

Cathy - Bubbly

Jackie - Sparkly

Sylvea - Funny

Sue Peng - Witty

Avant-Garde

2009-05-10T20:48:00.004+08:00

My parents got me this for my birthday. Yay!

An MP3!

She

2009-05-10T20:35:00.002+08:00

The sight and feel of her back can never disappear from my memory lane. The smell of her sweat when she was pledging her energy to cycle me home from school can never be forgotten. How I wish her life could be easier than this. But it just hasn't happened, yet. Hopefully a better life strike her soon before nature gets the better of her. I here wish her a Happy Mother's Day. And that's all I could give her right now - nothing more nor less.

No Saliva-Sharing Moment

2009-04-28T17:11:00.006+08:00

My father brought us to a steamboat restaurant where they provide one-of-a-kind service. Each of us has our own pot of steamboat and hence, protecting the sanctity of their customers' hygiene. Let the pictures below do the talking.

Look at the volume of intake we consume. *Burp*

Everyone has one. No need to have chopstick war over the food.

Awh, the New Zealand lamb meat.

Good, 4 plates gone. 10 more to go!

The bill, was err... a bit pricy though - a three-figure sum for 5 heads. Don't think we'll go there very often.

Oh, and I forgot to elaborate on the card the girls gave me headed by Sylvea. This is how it looks like.

The Best Outing Yet

2009-04-27T17:50:00.011+08:00

We (Sylvea, Cathy, Jackie and me), the members of the Association of the Apes paid the Aquaria a visit in conjunction with the widely celebrated 'Earth Day' as one of the already many activities having been executed so far. And the aim of this trip is to educate ourselves regarding the very polluted sea in the world.... blah blah blah (seriously?). And the photos here are the proofs. We had ice-cream to kill the time due to the one hour early arrival at our destination.

Our nation's pride.

3 of the 4 apes. We were cam whoring in the toilet. Don't ask me why.

Woah, look at us - So 'yao yeng'. We are so prepared to fight the Japanese mobs (in reference to 'Shinjuku Incident'). But where is the chicken Daniel Wu?

Finding Nemo.

Doesn't this smile make your heart melt? He's a sting-ray by the way or rather, Cathy's version of Ikan Bakar. My brother couldn't figure out what this is.

Pretty.

Beauty.

This is my personal favourite. Nope, I have not caught on by Jackie's addiction to turtles but this picture is pretty akin to one of the scenes in 'Finding Nemo'.

The giant test tube fish (or so I would like to call it).

An albino. I have a crush on him. Shit, Fye must be really jealous of him now.

A wicked Tarantula who needs no introduction.

Tortoise.

Oh, and we even bought some souvenirs from the souvenir shop. I heard that Cathy is going to fetch more this Friday. And according to Jackie, the assistant was very rude to us. Anyway, thank you Cathy for the wedding ring!

The 20 ringgit was value for money after all. It was fun. I remember I was acting like a jakun when I saw this automatic carpet where you literally just stand on it and you are being transported across the aquarium. I was gasping so loud that the couple in front of me turned around to see what happened. Sylvea was chuckling at me. Well, it just kinda reminded me of the Twilight villains where they had this really cool sliding carpet to make them look like they're floating in the air or was it to make them look like they're speeding on the ground? Couldn't recall it. However, all in all, it was great fun. I relished every moment of it (well, not every. but most of them).

We were even given the chance to get a hold of the starfish, sting-ray, and a species of fish (couldn't quite remember the name of it). Then, there was this live fish feeding by the divers.

We had a blast at the A&W for lunch, where we were using codes like 'yau cha kuai' and 'ham chim peng' to avoid being arrested under ISA. It was so humorous.

Wanted to have a look at the KL scenery through the Sky Bridge. Unfortunately, we missed it. The tickets were all sold out.

For more pictures, feel free to browse through Sylvea's, Cathy's or/and Jackie's blogs.

And I'm not too sure whether you guys have already noticed this but I have associated a total of 3 movies to an event which has got nothing to do with anyone of them. Bizarre.

David Archuleta

2009-04-23T16:27:00.002+08:00

He's going to perform before the millions of viewers. Be sure to to catch him on the American Idol result show tonight. Or, if you're watching through 8TV, it's aired on Friday night. See ya!

Numb

2009-04-22T23:10:00.002+08:00

I looked up at his visage and spotted strands of fine lines on his forehead and sensing an umpteenth echoes of sighs. Felt guilty for not being able to drag him out of the whirlpool of confusion. My heart hurts knowing my loved one is trapped in adversity. Nothing, however, is more devastating than knowing that I can do nothing to lose those lines of worries. I'm sorry.

Small Screen Joy

2009-04-21T17:05:00.006+08:00

I've found a better a movie than 'Slumdog Millionaire'. It's titled 'Outsourced' on Star Movies channel (413) on Astro. It's about the life in India and frankly, it is more entertaining than the Oscar-winning film. I like the part where the mat salleh (the leading actor) travelled for hours to Bombay just to have McDonald's cheese burger. But they don't serve cheese burgers (know why?). And it's not even called McDonald's. It's McDonnells. They poked fun at American accent by saying that the Indians' pronunciation is more accurate than the Americans' and they gave the example of the word 'internet' in which Americans love to pronounce it as 'innernet'. [Lol] Oh, and the mat salleh's name is Todd but they pronounce it as "Toad". I nearly had stomach cramp watching that movie.

A 20-Year Overnight Success

2009-04-20T17:44:00.008+08:00

Lol... that was exactly what this guy said. He's one of the cast in the Dark Knight. Remember him? He's this accountant working in a firm, blah blah blah.... in short, he's the big, fraudulent, greedy cheater in that film. Chin Han is his name.

I saw him on Asia Uncut. And he was a funny man, I have to concede. And when the host asked him what has Dark Knight changed for him, he replied - "I have more facebook friends and it's easier to get a date now". ROFL...

Oh, and guess what. I did something really embarrassing today, as in really really really embarrassing. And I'm not going to disclose it here. Because I know you will just have a good laugh at it and comment what a fool I was.

Happy Birthday, Jackie! (Aren't I irritating?)

Below Expectation

2009-04-20T00:13:00.004+08:00

I'm just not good enough. I shattered your hearts and crushed your hopes mounted on my shoulders. Don't blame it on anyone but me. It's my fault for not achieving what was expected of me. I am such a useless fool. I don't yearn for your forgiveness. I'd rather you yell and taunt me and my intelligence.